i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
