She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My penis needs a shock collar
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
