why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
