you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize