i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
