I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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