i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize