i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
