Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
