Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
