I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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