ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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