I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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