Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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