Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The beer is more important than you right now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
