I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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