Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
