Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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