my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
