hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
