he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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