i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
