I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
