He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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