No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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