she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
