Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
soo... how was my night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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