Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
