can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
