honey bunches of taint.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
meet me or not, i'm out of control
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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