so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
