It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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