nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
