does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
