I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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