I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
