We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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