How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have post one night stand depression
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