My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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