i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize