I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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