Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
