and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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