Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
