I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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