my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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