First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize