I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize