I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
