she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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