I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
