im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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