If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
