Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
