We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
