I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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