had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
