You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
