just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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