i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
