one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
