I hate your face
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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