If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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