I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
