xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
