We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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