You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
