My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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