so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
