if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
