I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
