youre lurking in front of me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
