I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
